just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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