i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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