i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
