My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
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I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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