Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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