The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
