Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
