Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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