I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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