That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
