hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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