i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
