OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
