I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
