I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
