i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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