"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
