My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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