they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
