why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
