it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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