yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my being single is dangerous.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
