I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
