booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
