I'm going to jail i love you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
