It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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