I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
