I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize