I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
