I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
