Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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