Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
