Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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