my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
