I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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