Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize