So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
