Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
