Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
nutella sex= disaster
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
