pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
