He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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