I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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