Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
