Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
