It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
