Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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