You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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