Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Please don't give away my fajitas
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
