Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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