my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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