i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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