You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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