im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
