in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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